“The secret is that only that which can destroy itself is truly alive.”
i’m writing this on Friday the 13th—my favorite day. the moon is in her dark phase, and i am flowing in between the last days of my moon. i am being called to share this with you all, so let us begin. my hopes are to begin to present to those who wish to read; the lessons, dreams, and messages received as i work with my shadow. i will present all that i wish to share when i am here within the underworld, here in the void, and hand in hand with She Who Creates and Destroys — The Dark Goddess, within the fullness of The Mother.
let me start out by saying, i have been a frequent traveler to and from the void, before i knew this is where i was going, and before i knew the name. before i found that i was born during the dark moon phase (which is where we are right now at this moment, how beautiful), and before i answered “yes” to the loud call of She Who Creates and Destroys. now, i do say that i was born for this, because i wholeheartedly believe that i was. i am here to spark the fire that destroys the old ways of the women before me in my ancestral lineage, and birth the path that we have been called to walk for a long time. the story of me coming to this realization came from the departure of an abusive relationship, taking psychedelics for the first time (and alone), and a few more special things. but we can save that juicy tale for later. oh yes, we will be diving deep in this online journal of mine. the deeper, the better (don’t you agree?).
the underworld, the void, the space in between, that is where all of the magick happens. i am so giddy whenever it approaches because it is a beautiful time of introspection and self-reflection. it is a quiet space, and many people are frightened by silence. when it is silent, the absence of noise can be overpowered by our loud mind chatter. you might say, that is no fun, but it is. within that mind chatter, there are secrets to be unlocked. you might find a missing piece to the puzzle that is you. and you may be presented with many “a-HA” moments. silence is to be welcomed...along with your internal ‘craziness’.
i travel to the void in my dreams, during meditation, when i am embarking a shadow work quest, and my favorite times of all—during the dark moon phase, and during my period, my sacred moon. the messages are at their most compelling here. they are stronger than they ever could be any other time. for when i bleed, i am taking on the task of healing and freeing what has been stored in my womb from those who came before me, and all that i have accumulated through the unconscious working of my own. i as in you, as in we, to whomever darling sister is reading this. i pick my moon as the perfect time to share these messages. right now, and the later to come. when i am on my last day of bleeding, and have spent enough time with what needs to be said, i can then formulate the images, sounds, smells, and lessons, into messages. messages from the underworld.
now, who is The Dark Goddess? well, she is present in us all, and she goes by many names. she is what has been repressed in countless generations of women. she is the horrific events and the fear of being ostracized (or even killed) for practicing our truths. for embodying the fullness of what it is to be a woman. she is all that has been buried deep within our psyche as she now screams “LET ME OUT, I WANT TO HELP YOU!”. because of her darkness it is that she is able to help us heal. in her destruction there is creation. she makes it apparent that we must embrace the unpredictability of life. we must accept the unknown, and it is okay to journey there. within her darkness lies the space in which healing is given room to take place. she is the wild woman who cannot be tamed. let me pause here and say, Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes has a lot to do with where i am currently on my path. the author has a remarkable way of storytelling that speaks right to the soul. she is a poet, a Jungian analyst, and intricately tells the stories of hidden archetypes of the feminine. without knowing this would happen, this book has planted many seeds within me, and truly pushed my journey into my shadow. i give thanks to this book, to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, and to the beautiful woman who gifted me this book in the fall of 2014.
C.G. Jung described the unknown “dark side” of our personality as the “shadow”. this shadow consists of human emotions that have been labeled “negative” such as greed, anger, lust, selfishness, and so on. what we seem to deem as inferior to us, as unacceptable, what we deny in ourselves, it all becomes a part of our shadow. The Dark Goddess can show us the way to our shadow. she can guide us throughout it, for she rules this realm. she is the forgotten part of us. she swims within the shadow, and she has many archetypes that can aid the dive into the shadow.
The Dark Goddess is connected to the heart. she engulfs you with so much love, that you are quite dumbfounded as to why she has been hidden. you ask her, “why are people so afraid of you?”. you learn and you laugh. without her, the fullness of divine femininity is not complete. without her, we cannot lock our full power, our full potential. now, this isn’t a trip to Disneyland (it can be according to your perception of things) but it is a joyous ride because you realize that you have never felt as free as this, wrapped in the warmth of her love. yes, she is warm. darkness does not have to be cold. The Dark Goddess takes you to the places you are most uncomfortable with and she peels your eyes open. she tells you to look them in the eye. she tells you confront your wounds. she takes you to your fear’s edge—dropping you and catching you all at once. she is sensual, and is confident in her sensuality. she is confident in her power. she is the fire power of the warrior goddess. she who isn’t afraid to say NO. she who does not settle and does not let anyone abuse her. The Dark Goddess does not hate men, but she does not stand for the lies and deception of The Patriarchy. she recognizes the divine masculine when she sees and feels him. she shows you the way to him, and she shows you the way to yourself first—so that you may open up to him. she only stands hand in hand with Shiva, as she exists within the sacred union of divine masculine and divine feminine, for she is the missing link. to open yourself up and to be fully alive is to welcome The Dark Goddess and merge with her. she purifies us through love, and she shows us our wildness and says; “my lovely, do not forget her. do not forget who you really are.”
i began to really feel her during times of PMS. when my highest self was downright sick of the abuse that i was letting myself go through. enough was enough, and she came full force. rage would hit me. sadness would engulf me, and i could not understand what was happening. one day i woke up, and everything was different. it was not until i could no longer ignore her message because she was everywhere i went, and in everything i did. i felt her love before i was even willing to accept her invitation. she didn’t give up on me, and i am so thankful i took her hand. she allows for collective dirt to be washed clean, for past life fear to be settled, and for trauma and family karma to be recognized and healed. all of that junk we so love to harbor in our wombs that eventually manifests as pain? yes, she teaches us how to overcome all of this. i feel as though i am still at the “beginning” of my journey with her. not that there is an end, but because we are just getting started and there is much to be done. i can say that working with Dark Goddess energy is not for everyone, because it is such extensive work, but i want it to be for everyone. and if you are ready you will journey there too. once you commit, there is no turning back. let me say, this is exhausting heavy work, though necessary and rewarding. have i said how much she loves us? she will greet you with a deep found love in which you will not be able to find anywhere else. and you will know that you are at home because she is the familiar place you forgot you loved so much.
The Dark Goddess lives in many powerful female forces;
she is Kali
she is Lilith
she is Oya
she is Medusa
she is Chamunda
she is Sekhmet
she is Inanna
she is Ereshkigal
she is The Crone
she is Baba Yaga
she is Hecate
she is so much more. she is both frightening and intriguing. the mind’s trickery tells you to turn away, but your heart screams to venture towards her—for we must accept the death nature of existence. it is as natural as birth, it two sides of the same coin. welcoming and accepting death, we have no fear. we can heal, and we are powerful. this applies to the destruction of silly mental formations; she makes it apparent that we must embrace the unpredictability of life, we must accept the unknown, and it is okay to journey there.
i say all of this to make it known that only worshipping the light is dehumanizing. to do so says that light is all that we are, that our darkness does not deserve recognition, and our shadow side is nothing. this rejection has created an extremely dysfunctional society. i do not label myself as a “lightworker”, nor do i parade around speaking of the divine feminine as the embodiment of all that is light. our imperfection is what makes us human. the shadow is nothing to be ashamed of. it exists within us all. the Dark Goddess is roaring louder than ever, for she has been hidden within the female psyche for far too long. healing aspects of your shadow calls for you to identity the pieces of you that have gone untouched, for the shadow cannot be ignored, and the Dark Goddess cannot be silenced.
different goddesses can help guide you along this healing path within the shadow, as they provide templates for shadow emotions. you may call out to them through prayer and meditation. you may create a sacred altar for them (the dark moon is a very potent time to ask for the Dark Goddess to take your hand and guide you towards self discovery). light a black candle for her, open up your heart and be prepared to dive deep within the darkness of self. include on your altar what represents darkness for you. listen for the subtle energies of her answering your call. Lilith is who called out to me, and this journey with her so far—my goodness i am so glad to be on it. i have Dark Moon Lilith in Gemini in my 8th house—which was enough for me to say, hell yes Lilith i am all yours. personally i find healing with Dark Goddess energy to be the most profound during my time of bleeding, and during the dark moon. our blood shedding signifies holy death, release, and creation. if i am called to do so, i will continue to relay the messages i receive from the underworld during each cycle of my bleeding. i also plan on talking more about my personal experiences with Lilith later.
we are both light and dark beings.
acknowledging both sides allows for the embarking of the most incredible journey.
be courageous if you wish to embark on this journey of true self-discovery and healing. you will be glad that you did. many blessings to you, and may you discover the fullness of self through your own darkness.
— Kalaéja aka The Roaring Siren