Is It August?

 Automatic Drawing exercise.

Automatic Drawing exercise.

 Automatic writing exercise.

Automatic writing exercise.

I began to feel the Cave that surrounds and protects my Heart crumble bit by bit with every passing day. Almost as if the remembrance of tuning back into my Heart, and coming back to gratitude were fading away.

Blurry.

Hazy.

Fuzy.

 

I surrendered to the darkness. I say that I look just as good in my maddening state as I do when I am vibrating high. It’s all a part of this cycle, a part of being human. So I let myself be, and because of that, profound things happen each time I find myself swimming (or let’s be real, it is more so drowning) within the Unconscious.

 

It has felt like one foot in The Cosmic Party, one foot swimming in the Unconscious.

 

Each morning I rise to greet the day meditating in front of my altar. Doing my libations, communing with my guides, my angels, my ancestors.

My guides say “Let it all come undone, you are a sacred seamstress, you can sew it all back together again”. I did just that. Being loose with rage, sadness, despair, fear, worry, it’s a feeling I almost cannot explain. I feel as though they would never let me fall off the deep end. I felt protected and safe throughout this rage.

 

A new timeline has already began.

I asked, why do I feel this way then?

I was told that there were some things that could not exist within this new timeline, and in order for me to fully embrace this step, I would have to vibrate here for a little while to uncover what needs to be healed first. Only then could I fully immerse myself within The Cosmic Party.

I asked, well how do I do that?

Ask, they said.

And so I did.

 

In my dreams I spoke to a woman who said to me, “You think you’re perfect huh? You think you don’t have any flaws?”. This was triggering to me. I blurted out to her, with no repression, no filter, the things about myself that I am not proud of. Things I have not expressed in my waking life. These things were what is holding me back from total liberation.

 

I yelled to her through tears. I cried and I cried and I cried.

 

After this dream, I had a dream that showed me that I am not utilizing my intuition to my greatest abilities. I saw something before it happened, and because I ignored what I saw, I found myself in danger. I had my test, and someone had to come save me from the clutches of an evil man.

 

Thank God for these dreams. Thank God for the ability to see.

 

Because I can see, clearer than ever now, I am always finding reminders that I am on the right path whenever I am low. That keeps me going.

 

Tonight I will weep some more for these ashes of me.

Tonight I will weep for The Mother, and all the ways Humans are unkind to her.

Tonight I will weep for those who cannot weep themselves.

 

I truly have shifted into seeing a sensitivity to energy as a Gift, for as if I was not gifted with this ability to feel subtle vibrations, the ability to See, I would not be able to do anything that I am currently doing. This sensitivity comes with feeling the energy of the Collective swallow me whole again and again. I have been lethargic, anxious, angry. I feel my own energy, and everyone else’s. Last night My Love reminded me how I can better channel and transmute all of this energy, as he is too a highly sensitive being. He reminds me that I have the ability to transcend a fixed state, again and again. I am always transforming, a numerous amount of things wrapped into one Human Being.

 

Last year’s Pisces Full Moon I felt myself drowning in her waters. Today, I feel a completion of a cycle. I feel refreshed, cleansed. I am bathing in her and she is wiping away all of the pain.

 

I am grateful for the lows. I am grateful for the protection I am given within the lows.

I am grateful to be having this human experience.

 

I am grateful to be

Me.


Happy Pisces Full Moon.

The Cosmic Party

IMG_3993.jpg

All of these photos were taken by me while exploring nature with my Lover. What a gloomy, chilly, yet lovely day in San Francisco it was.

 

Within me is truth that wants to be shown to you:

I… am thankful for the ending of Eclipse Season. Although I have learned a great deal about the way I operate internally, externally, and have received many downloads through the astral and during my waking life, my goodness, this was tough.

Eclipse Season felt like being stuck within the birth canal for three months.

Eclipse Season felt like feeling a fire burning amongst your skin, and no matter how many times you would scream for help that you were on fire, nobody could hear your cry.

It was you and the Abyss.

Only you

and the Abyss.

You awaken in the dark, only to be shoved into the light with no three - two - one countdown.

Shoved into the light only to be pulled back into the darkness by your fingertips.

The part of me that enjoys finding the silver lining in everything wants to make Eclipse Season sound like a dip in a Hot Spring. A Hot Spring that you wind down in every night with a glass of the drink you thoroughly enjoy—but let’s be real, it has been a shit show. A showing of your heart’s desires and fears, appearing almost similar, you must close your eyes and plunge deep within to intuitively seperate the two. Or maybe, it felt more like the fears were guarding the gate to your desires, not allowing anyone—not even you, to pass through to them. Maybe the worrisome fears began to grow, because your heart began to feel further and further away from being reached. Or better yet, maybe you found the irony of being “strong” in this realm, as you slayed those guards, and opened your heart so much that you could not stop weeping.

Weeping for the loss of what kept you so far away from yourself for a long time.

Weeping for the crumbling of who you once were.

Weeping for the unknowingness of who you will soon become.

And it’s frightening because all you’ve ever known has been burned to ashes.

But from these ashes you must rebuild. One mourns for the old timeline that they no longer swim within, but these tears will be used to craft an ocean to be reborn under.

Fertile waters we are dipping in now.

IMG_3998.jpg

If you listen closely with your ear to Earth, or holding your breath underneath these waters, you will begin to hear a subtle beat.

A beat so subtle, you cannot tell if it’s your heart, The Mother’s heart, or some far away song that makes you want to slither, wind, shake, jump.

Closed eyes with hands to the sky.

All of that. The beat makes you want to do all of that.

What if I were to tell you, that the beat is a culmination of all that you think it is?

The beat is the welcoming of The Cosmic Party.

Mmm...The Cosmic Party.

We are here, you are here, I am here.

It is a miracle.

A miracle to survive these heavy energetic times with a heart wide open, leaking love all over the streets, my sheets. Word to Frida Kahlo, Queen of Queens.

It is a miracle to stare at my Earth-adorned melanated skin, and feel the potent mixture of the pain and Love of my ancestral lineage. To fall to my knees with cries of thankful tears for all of the trauma they endured, promising my best foot forward to pour my Love into every wound, every bruise.

Miracle DNA flowing through my veins.

Resilient.

Welcoming myself again and again within a society that has never welcomed me or my Divine kind.

Black Woman and Witch.

How does it feel to be not 2, but 3 of the most hated, misunderstood things on this Earth?

Powerful, but so frightening.

Thank God for the Spirit team that carries me.

Thank God for the Spirit team that carries you.

To be here, as I Am, writing this is literally a miracle, and I would be foolish to live as though my existence isn’t just that.

IMG_4023.jpg

And so I was reminded of this as I began to hear the music, that subtle beat. I was loopy with lack of sleep giggling to my Lover about this Cosmic Party taking place. Mystified, he waited to hear what you read. It was silly at first, until the next day the feeling grew larger, and the beat grew stronger. And I knew more of what this was.

I realized that this Cosmic Party taking place right now is multi-dimensional. Bring your angels, your guides, and your ancestors. Everyone is invited. The Veil has been feeling so thin, that I am literally feeling the presence of my Spirit team on my skin as if someone in the 3D has been lightly touching me. Touching me to remind me that I am not alone. This being so, it is not surprising that this party exists beyond what the average human eye can see.

The Cosmic Party is all access indeed, but there is a password.

For you astrologers, and those extra sensitive to divine timing, think back to the Lion’s Gate portal.

How far apart did your heart get ripped open?

How loudly did you Roar?

Aren’t you still so glad to feel Love?

The password to this party is jumping up and down in your heart as you read this, Love. The password to this party is a puzzle that can be solved as long as you are embodying the fullness of your Truth. As long as you are doing the work, you will feel it.

The Cosmic party is a CONGRATULATIONS for making it this far, and it welcomes you to keep walking further. Carrying on through the ebbs and flows of daily living. Here at The Cosmic Party, we are celebrating all that we are, all that we have done, and all that we will do.

The Cosmic Party is a celebration of You.

A celebration of the Lion-Hearted.

A celebration of The Loners, The Lovers.

A celebration of The Misunderstood.

A celebration of The Poets and The Mystics and The Freaks and The Magicians.

The Cosmic Party is calling to The Hermits to come out. Please don’t hide anymore. Uncloak yourself and let the Sun kiss away your sadness. It’s okay, I promise you. The Cosmic Party sings of your battles, and the promise - so close to a dream - that what remains when the horn sounds will build a much brighter day that shines the same way you do at your best.

IMG_4027.jpg

You may be in pain.

You may be sick with worry.

You may be doubtful.

You may be anxious.

You may be depressed.

I honor You, Love, as you are, right now.

 

I see you, and still, you are welcomed.

It is hard to be here, I know it is. It is hard for me too.

It is uncomfortable and tiring.

But Love, don’t you see that you are still here?

Don’t you see the beauty in your here-ness?

 

Don’t you see, we must dance until our legs give out. We must scream until our throats tingle with a tiredness that can no longer muster up a squeek. We must cry and cry and cry. We must laugh and laugh and laugh.

The Cosmic Party wants you to know, that the feeling of release, deep breathing, fulfilment, pure Love, joyfulness, peacefulness, mindfulness...these feelings are always available to you.

IMG_4042.jpg

I believe Life is meant to be lived as though there is always this Cosmic Party taking place. I believe this Life is not hell, but a passageway to something greater. The stop before it all truly begins. The place we come to learn before we climb our highest up the Ladder Of Love.

I ask you to take my hand as we embark on this journey of The Cosmic Party.

I ask you to free your mind of restrictions, limitations, and experience what it feels to embody the miracle that is you in your lovely form.

You, dying and being rebirthed by way of The Ancestors.

You, embedded with knowledge by way of The Ancestors.

Thank God I have all of this Love to give.

Let me fill your cup.

Love is the most delicious nectar to get drunk within.

I am drunk.

I wish for you to be too.