I began to feel the Cave that surrounds and protects my Heart crumble bit by bit with every passing day. Almost as if the remembrance of tuning back into my Heart, and coming back to gratitude were fading away.
I surrendered to the darkness. I say that I look just as good in my maddening state as I do when I am vibrating high. It’s all a part of this cycle, a part of being human. So I let myself be, and because of that, profound things happen each time I find myself swimming (or let’s be real, it is more so drowning) within the Unconscious.
It has felt like one foot in The Cosmic Party, one foot swimming in the Unconscious.
Each morning I rise to greet the day meditating in front of my altar. Doing my libations, communing with my guides, my angels, my ancestors.
My guides say “Let it all come undone, you are a sacred seamstress, you can sew it all back together again”. I did just that. Being loose with rage, sadness, despair, fear, worry, it’s a feeling I almost cannot explain. I feel as though they would never let me fall off the deep end. I felt protected and safe throughout this rage.
A new timeline has already began.
I asked, why do I feel this way then?
I was told that there were some things that could not exist within this new timeline, and in order for me to fully embrace this step, I would have to vibrate here for a little while to uncover what needs to be healed first. Only then could I fully immerse myself within The Cosmic Party.
I asked, well how do I do that?
Ask, they said.
And so I did.
In my dreams I spoke to a woman who said to me, “You think you’re perfect huh? You think you don’t have any flaws?”. This was triggering to me. I blurted out to her, with no repression, no filter, the things about myself that I am not proud of. Things I have not expressed in my waking life. These things were what is holding me back from total liberation.
I yelled to her through tears. I cried and I cried and I cried.
After this dream, I had a dream that showed me that I am not utilizing my intuition to my greatest abilities. I saw something before it happened, and because I ignored what I saw, I found myself in danger. I had my test, and someone had to come save me from the clutches of an evil man.
Thank God for these dreams. Thank God for the ability to see.
Because I can see, clearer than ever now, I am always finding reminders that I am on the right path whenever I am low. That keeps me going.
Tonight I will weep some more for these ashes of me.
Tonight I will weep for The Mother, and all the ways Humans are unkind to her.
Tonight I will weep for those who cannot weep themselves.
I truly have shifted into seeing a sensitivity to energy as a Gift, for as if I was not gifted with this ability to feel subtle vibrations, the ability to See, I would not be able to do anything that I am currently doing. This sensitivity comes with feeling the energy of the Collective swallow me whole again and again. I have been lethargic, anxious, angry. I feel my own energy, and everyone else’s. Last night My Love reminded me how I can better channel and transmute all of this energy, as he is too a highly sensitive being. He reminds me that I have the ability to transcend a fixed state, again and again. I am always transforming, a numerous amount of things wrapped into one Human Being.
Last year’s Pisces Full Moon I felt myself drowning in her waters. Today, I feel a completion of a cycle. I feel refreshed, cleansed. I am bathing in her and she is wiping away all of the pain.
I am grateful for the lows. I am grateful for the protection I am given within the lows.
I am grateful to be having this human experience.
I am grateful to be
Happy Pisces Full Moon.